So my brother isn’t feeling well and I offered to call a nurse, but no that’s cool mom call your overweight diabetic man friend that works in records. I’m sure he has an extensive medical knowledge.

I had fantastic lunch and breakfast dates today.

Then I came home and my brother gave me this long speech about how I was a failure because I have student loans so I have no right to spend money that isn’t mine. Also, apparently everyone with loans is a failure because they can’t afford college on their own. Mind you, he still lives at home and does not pay rent. Oh, an then he told me that I am a burden because I don’t contribute to the household.
Even though I live four hours away.
And pay my own bills.
He says that he has “the right to” call my other brothers stupid because they act stupid all of the time an someone needs to tell them. Also, my mother has an obligation to drive him to and from work everyday because she can’t afford to send him away to college and she’s the one that decided to have a family so it’s her responsibility to take care of him until he “feels like moving out”.

I wasn’t sure what made him say all of these things, so I told him that I didn’t know what I did to make him randomly start yelling at me, but I was sorry if I did something wrong. Then he told me that i was a mean and terrible person. So I told him to go away and never to talk to me again because we basically just sat there and looked at him while he ranted. Then he told me that I was a terrible person.

So I told him to go play in traffic.

I’m not really sure what just happened.

I bet this “vacation” would be a lot more fun if I wasn’t spending the majority of my time caring for a dog that isn’t mine. Really. I’m so over this whole taking care of other people’s responsibilities thing. I love her and she’s cute and wonderful, but I didn’t get a pet because I knew I couldn’t care for it. At this point my only options are to spend money and time on this animal, or watch it stay in a cage all day being ignored and not getting fed.

Fuck you, Stumble Upon.

I want to see cool stuff, not gross shit that will give me nightmares.

Seriously, why would I want to see a feather being pulled out from under the skin of a baby’s neck? I wouldn’t. No one would.

I now remember why I stopped using that site.

My biggest pet peeve is, by far, your grammar.

Ask me things.

Overly protective/jealous significant others annoy me.

Is that weird?

Here we go again. Me being an insensitive bitch and someone being upset by it. I’d like to care, but I don’t. I’m an insensitive bitch and that’s what insensitive bitches do. Don’t. That’s what we don’t do.

I’m not good at helping people. It’s a fact. Or at least that’s how I feel, so why do people insist on talking to me about problems? I piss people off. I was sent here to piss the world off.

Then again, there’s always the possibility that I should just not engage in deep conversation with the intoxicated.

Or the sensitive. 

for the second time and he’s only 22.

The funny thing is that I can think of 2 people off of the top of my head that will be having a “worse” week/day/life than me…than HIM.

I’ve yet to hear him complain about his new orders. All he talks about is the fun things he’ll do until October when he leaves, and how much important he feels being a Marine.

Your house has a mail slot instead of a mailbox?
How do you live?! How dare the realty company not cut another hole in their house so that your mail won’t have to touch that of your one upstairs neighbor! Never mind the fact that it all touches in the mail bag, THIS IS BLASPHEMY! By the way, since we all know that you come from a family of money and don’t know what is feels like to not be able to afford something, could you please refer to yourself as “broke” 50% more on a daily basis.

Your boyfriend of two months broke up with you four months ago?
What a sad life you have. Keep whining about it to us because we genuinely care, and enjoy when you ruin the mood! Also, could you find a way to bring him into conversation a little more often. Oh, and some more bitterness would be nice. Since you’re so good at making your life heaven on a bagel, the panel has voted that your decision to try to control everyone’s life is a splendid idea. I mean, after all, you ARE the master of logical thinking and an expert at talking to people.

Hi. My name is KJ and I’m sarcastic.

Kate was right. The roles are reversed. The ones PMSing are the ones that do not have uteri.

Yes, the plural form of uterus is uteri. I would know.

I’ve decided against the psychology major because when people complain a lot, it’s annoying. However, I have decided that I’ll get my masters in counseling, just in case I don’t want to stay a teacher. I’m talking to my Spanish (minor) advisor right now and seeing which classes and placement tests I need to take. Sounds legit, no?

Oh, so I almost murdered someone in cold blood last night.

JK

Warm blood.

Am I the only one that gets REALLY annoyed when someone constantly tells you you’re in a bad mood? You’ve been whiny and pouty for weeks, then made dinner plans with us and then never showed up….okay you did. An hour later, then told me I was in a bad mood again. THEN later you called my name, I said yes, and you told me I was in a bad mood again. Dude. We spent a total of 5 minutes near each other yesterday. It was a fabulous day, minus the you part.

In case you can’t tell, I’m not looking to forward to living with this guy. Yes. Guy.

Oh and then he IMed me to tell me that I was treating him badly. We didn’t even spend enough time together for me to treat him…any way, really. liajbdifajbdfiabfijabibfpewiufb. I have a terrible temper. It take a lot to make me angry, but ohhhhh once you do! I have no in between. No gray area. I’m either fine, or I could care less about your existence, which is how I’m feeling right about now.

Moral of the story: I don’t handle complete bullshit very well.

I’ve become a psychology major (doubling with early-childhood education). But now I’m thinking that this may be a bad idea. Why? Because I can’t stand when people constantly complain. When people tell you their sob stories for the sole purpose of getting attention. Then again, it’s not really a psychologist’s job to provide sympathy, or maybe it is.

Eh, whatever.

So for now, I am happy with where I am in life. It feels good to be happy again. Now if I could only get people to stop whining about things that don’t matter. I know sad things happen, but why do individuals feel the need to spread the misery? And when did it become my job to…

…nevermind. I’ll bide my tongue.

I have sucky days too, but I don’t think it’s everyone else’s job to deal with it. You know what I did this year on the anniversary of my father’s death? I wrote a sad blog entry and moved on with my day. I then spent the rest of the day listening to two people complain about events that were insignificant to my existence and not once did they ask me how my day was going. Maybe I’m bitter about that, or maybe I just expect everyone else to do the same as me: Get over it. Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you deal with it. Some problems are bigger than others, I get that, and sometimes life sucks, and sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on, but when all of your problems are um…how do I say this…hmmm…. STUPID, and you’re being dramatic, just remember that there’s always someone out there having a worse day than you. And they aren’t making it your problem.

Hm. So I guess I don’t mind listening to people’s problems. I just hate when people affect my happiness with their self-induced pity parties. Yeah. I can totally be a psychologist…or maybe I’ll change my major another 3 times. Who knows?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a great time, but I can’t fucking stand being at home after what home was like for me last year. 

At first, all was well. I saw my friends, my mom wasn’t a total bitch to me, la-di-da. 

I went to the doctor (I have follow-ups out of the wazoo since my little incident a few months ago). Oh and my mom didn’t take me, a friend did. Because my mother had more important things to do, like, you know, watch Oprah. This shouldn’t surprise me though. Even when I had stitches and was on narcotics she found better things to do like watch food network and talk on the phone to that bitch guy she loves so much.

My youngest brother is seriously annoying the shit out of me right now. And the other one has his DS turned up as loud as possible. I’m already stuck here all day to celebrate his birthday that was a week and a half ago.

Anyway, so my friend takes me to the doctor and they take my vitals, which is when I find out that my heart rate is a good 20% higher than it should be. While my mother was too busy sitting on the couch to take me, she found time to text me NON STOP and ask what they were saying. Then she texted me saying that I need to stop by and see her man friend (who works at that particular clinic), who I CAN’T STAND, because I haven’t seen him all spring break. Um, yeah. That was the point. When I don’t like someone, I generally don’t go out of my way to spend time with them. Plus, someone else was kind enough to bring me and the poor guy had already been sitting there for 45 minutes doing nothing, so out of pure consideration, I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. I got my blood work done and then picked up my prescription, and we left.

Later, the doctor called me and told me that I’m anemic. My hemoglobin level is way low so I was given an iron prescription, and I needed to have more blood drawn to check my glucose level. I told my mom and what she say? She started yelling at me for not going to see her man friend when I was there the day before. I swear, I could be dying and she could really care less, as long as he was happy. That’s cool. Whatever. My life without her is significantly more happy that it was when I lived with her. So she’s just a fussin away at me. The she gives me the car to go get my meds and blood drawn, and tells me to stop by and see this man that I hate. I get there and stop by and see him. Say hi. Okay, now I want to leave. But nooooo. He keeps talking to me and telling me that I need to find another way to pay for school.

Excuse me. But I have not asked this man for ANYTHING at all. How I pay for school couldn’t possibly be any less of his business. So, in the most polite way, I say that I’m happy and there’s nothing that needs to change because everything’s working out just fine. But he keeps tell me that he needs to talk to me about it so I don’t ruin my life. Fuck the what, kind sir. I don’t know what you’re talking about and I need to get my iron pills so I don’t die. Then my mom called me and told me that she needed the car back immediately to go somewhere. That’s right. I didn’t have the time to go get the medicine because I stopped to see this man, that I genuinely dislike, all because my mother bitched at me about not seeing him for a day and a half. SO the same friend that took me to the doctor the first time, took me back again.

And my mom wonders why I haven’t been home in a month and a half. I’m coming back for two days in May with a moving truck to get ALL of my belongings and put them in my nice little house in Columbus. Erasing all ties I have with this house and this family. I need it, so I don’t feel bad. People always say that family is the most important thing in the world. I’ve always disagreed and I always will. It may be the most important to some people and that’s lovely, but it’s alot easier to feel that way when your family loves you.

I really don’t understand people who get upset and then expect the rest of the world to stop what they’re doing and come cater to their depression. Okay so i do understand it; I just think it’s dumb. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have friends to make me feel better, but most things that happen aren’t even worth getting upset about. Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you deal with it. If it’s not my fault that you’re unhappy, then it’s not my obligation to fix it. Nor do I want to spend my time asking you if you’re okay over and over again because you need the attention to feel validated as a human being. Also, if I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m not apologizing for it, so save everyone some time and get over it. 

No, I’m not trying to sound like a total jerk and I don’t want it to seem like I don’t care about people, because I do. If I could make everyone I meet throughout the day smile, then I’ve had a good day. But there are some people that, no matter what, are bothered by something ALL THE TIME. Or my favorite, the ones who are offended by everything. In my opinion, being offended is a waste of your time. Chances are, the one who offended you doesn’t care; that’s why they said what they did in the first place. 

Yes, I know. Insensitive, right?

Please forgive me for my depressed rant last night. I’m usually not like this, but I’m also usually never this stressed out. Back to happy mode startinnggggg….now. Maybe? Eh.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I think I’m going back to school for early childhood education. I think it’s a good idea, right now at least. Plus I can always change my major. I’m not really the career type; I’d rather be around for my future family. So I don’t want anything too time consuming. Then again I can go back to nursing and not have to work in a hospital. I don’t know. I’m just focusing on bringing my GPA up for now. I’m 90% sure I’ll be returning in the spring. As soon as the doctor sends me the paperwork to give to my recruiter, it’ll be 100%. I’m still wanting to go into the reserves though. It would pay for school. Pero, I’m gunna need a car. Okay so I really have no idea what I’m doing here. Yay for independence!

Someone sent me this this morning and it made my day so much better:

so i was reading your blog and I just wanted to tell you to hold on… . God has helped [me] forgive her for a lot of that too. The only person that will never let you down is God. I believe He can heal the biggest wounds and bitter ends. I know you may already know this, and honestly if it were me, i wouldn’t have wrote this, but I feel that God is leading me to send you this. I hope and pray that things getter better for you, because the place you’re at sucks. so maybe this scripture will help you today in some way shape or form:2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)

9”But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
I dont know you, i only recognize you, but God knows you and He hears you crying out and He is going to free you soon enough. I will pray for you today. :)

We always have reasons to smile, I guess sometimes we just need to be reminded.

I’m looking at Nash curled up on his Little Mermaid blanket and thinking about how much I’ll miss him when I leave for bt in November, how alone I’ll initially feel. How much I’ll miss Savannah, the cobblestone, the ginormous trees, the humidity and ridiculous outbursts from the tourists downtown. Then I see the pile of video game controllers and remember all the noise and arguing I’m leaving behind and I feel a lot better. I’ll finally have to take responsibility only for myself. Yeah so maybe I’ll barely get any sleep, but at least I’ll have a bed. I’m finally escaping my mother’s confusing wrath and unnecessary bitterness towards my birth that she’s developed since I came back from school in June. We never had problems until she recently decided to hate everything about my existence.

I don’t know if I want to come home for Christmas. I just found out that I get to come home for the holidays. I’m thinking I want to come back to Savannah, but not necessarily come home. Get all my stuff from my mom and put it in a storage unit so she can finally stop making me feel like such a burden. Maybe I’ll stay with a friend, maybe in a hotel. I’m not sure. I want a Christmas happier than the one my brother’s and I had last year, but apparently we aren’t enough and my mom needs to have her crony and his annoying camera around to feel validated. Maybe I’ll travel down to Florida and visit my godparents. I miss them, but I know that if I want to go see them with my mother around, madre will HAVE to bring her little friend and I don’t feel like being annoyed for 5 days straight on my favorite holiday ever again. Maybe I’ll just use use the time to see all of my friends. Yeah. That sounds good.

I’ve come to find that sharing genetic information has nothing to do with how you feel about someone. We’re all humans. We love what we love.