I am the KJ.

Watching SNL with Anthony after a few rum beverages, so it’s significantly better.

I don’t know why we don’t have a radio show.

We’re like…verbal night bloggers.

Feeling better. Much better. Not all the way at all, but much. I have amazing friends and things could be so much worse and sometimes half of my brain likes to forget. 

I’m going to go eat a cookie now.

Also, stress barfs are real.

What could have possibly been a mental health day is now definitely a stay at home or vomit everywhere day. I feel like I’ve failed my students.

Then again, I’ve been almost vomited on twice, so I’m assuming that they’ll appreciate my absence.

I don’t want to be alone right now.

When your head tells you that only bad things will come out of the day.

Hdhbdvhddkajbslchcdjdhvdkspokevsovgshehrihehsiwnehbxjhrhr

I’m actually looking forward to dinner with my family today. Relish in the moment. I’ll probably never say that again.

I have homemade peanut butter brownie bars in the oven right now.

I’m currently watching The Mindy Project. We canceled cable in exchange for Hulu Plus. So far so good, though we’re only three days in so I can’t really say it’s life changing. However, it is cheaper. So yes, I like Mindy Kaling. This is good.

Life has been much more enjoyable this semester. My anxiety finally has a name. PTSD, says my psychologist. Honestly it makes me feel better seeing as I’ve just been calling it “crazy”. Anyway, yeah. I feel better. No medications, yay me. Lots of meditation. Woosaw.

My writing is just…fantastic write now. These sentences are really blending together.

Kind of like oil and water.

What I’m saying is that I’m babbling.

Can I just cancel this whole school thing and be famous for being likable?

Every year, I try to get through January without noticing that the 13th ever happened. 

I never can.

So my brother isn’t feeling well and I offered to call a nurse, but no that’s cool mom call your overweight diabetic man friend that works in records. I’m sure he has an extensive medical knowledge.

I was just wondering why no one ever puts awkward questions in my inbox and then I realized how awkward and uninteresting I am.

I told my mom about what my brother said to me last night. I left out the parts here he was saying mean things about her because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She was very understanding as to why I didn’t want to talk to him for the rest of the time I’ll be here. She also wasn’t surprised by anything that I said. Red flag, anyone? No? Just me? Okay.

Anxiety attack in 3…2….

I had fantastic lunch and breakfast dates today.

Then I came home and my brother gave me this long speech about how I was a failure because I have student loans so I have no right to spend money that isn’t mine. Also, apparently everyone with loans is a failure because they can’t afford college on their own. Mind you, he still lives at home and does not pay rent. Oh, an then he told me that I am a burden because I don’t contribute to the household.
Even though I live four hours away.
And pay my own bills.
He says that he has “the right to” call my other brothers stupid because they act stupid all of the time an someone needs to tell them. Also, my mother has an obligation to drive him to and from work everyday because she can’t afford to send him away to college and she’s the one that decided to have a family so it’s her responsibility to take care of him until he “feels like moving out”.

I wasn’t sure what made him say all of these things, so I told him that I didn’t know what I did to make him randomly start yelling at me, but I was sorry if I did something wrong. Then he told me that i was a mean and terrible person. So I told him to go away and never to talk to me again because we basically just sat there and looked at him while he ranted. Then he told me that I was a terrible person.

So I told him to go play in traffic.

I’m not really sure what just happened.

I bet this “vacation” would be a lot more fun if I wasn’t spending the majority of my time caring for a dog that isn’t mine. Really. I’m so over this whole taking care of other people’s responsibilities thing. I love her and she’s cute and wonderful, but I didn’t get a pet because I knew I couldn’t care for it. At this point my only options are to spend money and time on this animal, or watch it stay in a cage all day being ignored and not getting fed.