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Okay

I’m currently trying to write my lesson plan for tomorrow. It’s not working out very well. For some reason I’m going blank on everything. Content, ideas, timing. It’s all flown out of the window. I should be a lot more bothered than I actually am. I’ve tried watching Jeff Who Lives At Home for some mental stimulation and background noise. I couldn’t pay attention to that either. So its looking like I currently can’t concentrate or be distracted. 

This whole my-mom-caring-about-me thing is something I haven’t quite gotten used to. Today she asked me how school was going and I told her that my grades are right where I want them and my only concern is my fiscal security. She then told me that I don’t need to worry or get stressed out about that because she could pay for everything this summer and towards the end of the semester if I get low on cash. She says she knows that I’ve been working hard and that it’s difficult to get a job when no one around where I live is hiring and I don’t have a car, plus my rent doesn’t cost much and I don’t spend money frivolously. 

While all of these things are true, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that my mom WANTS to help me out. I told her that I feel bad asking for money and she was …surprised. Then again, my brother expects her to pay for everything and provide for him even though he’s 20 years old and has a job. She says that she knows I’m trying and someone that works this hard shouldn’t have to worry so much about life.

It’s refreshing. Finally the universe is sending me help when I need it, and it couldn’t have happened at a better time. Seriously, this everything-will-be-okay bullshit was running me thin. I don’t end up okay. Okay doesn’t happen to me. Not sure if you’ve noticed, but I have a sad life.

That’s okay. Things are finally looking up. 

Change is good. Change is natural. Change is unruly.

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